Birthday in (Un)Paradise
by Crackers and Cheese
Summary: The Doctors head over to the planet Detann to relax for their birthday party, and they take an unexpected detour and end up somewhere they have been before! Sequel to Birthday In(sanity).
1. Prologue

**Birthday in (Un)Paradise Pt. 1 or 'Prologue'**

"Another year another stupid birthday party," Nine muttered aboard Five's TARDIS.

"Lighten up Nine," Five said cheerfully as he messed with the TARDIS controls. "Not all of our parties are stupid."

When Nine glared at him Five sighed. "Alright, all of our parties are_ kinda_ stupid."

"But not this one!" One interjected. "We're going Detann, the resort planet, for a day of rest and relaxation!"

"Sounds more like a spa date than a party," Nine commented.

"At least there will be beer," Four said hopefully.

"Uh no," One said. "But I think there's wine."

"Wine?" Four asked, outraged. "The whole point of these parties is to get really drunk, really quickly! Do you think wine can do that? I don't think so!"

"C'mon guys," Five complained. "Can we just have a civil party, where we _don't_ get drunk?"

"No!" Nine and Four said at the same time.

"Really Nine?" Five asked, surprised. "I thought you would like this sort of thing."

"I may not like hanging out with you all," Nine began. "But I don't want to deprive you of an enjoyable birthday party. Plus it's really entertaining to watch you get drunk."

"Exactly!" Four said. "So can we go somewhere else, like a club or something?"

Five was about to answer when One exclaimed, "As long as I'm here we're going to Detann, and that's that! Anyone who gets in my way will get hit with my cane, you got that?"

Five, Nine and Four nodded as they backed away from One. They all knew the wrath of the cane, and didn't want to get on One's bad side.

When One left Four said, "You know what? I'm going to take some beer with me anyway."

"Bring some for me!" Nine called out as Four also left.

"One will be so mad at us when he finds out about this," Five muttered worriedly.

"You really care about what One thinks, do you?" Nine said in surprise.

"Hell no!" Five said. "I just don't want to be hit by that cane. It hurts really badly, you know."

Nine nodded. "If One finds out about this, just blame it on Four."

***888***888***888***

Ten and Eleven were across the room, trying to figure out what they were going to bet on for this year's party.

"Maybe, instead of betting on who can drink the_ most_, we could bet on who can drink the_ least_," Eleven suggested.

"What do you mean?" Ten asked.

"I mean, let's bet on who can stay sober the longest."

"Obviously I would beat you," Ten said proudly.

"Please," Eleven said sarcastically and rolled his eyes. "I can stay sober longer than you! Everybody knows that."

"So the bet is on?" Ten asked.

"Of course it is!" Eleven replied, grinning wide.

***888***888***888***

Meanwhile, Eight leaned against the wall, looking nervous. Seven walked up to him and asked, "So, are you ready to lose at chess?"

"You know Seven, I can still beat you," Eight said nonconfidently.

"Doubt it," Seven replied as Six joined them.

"I'm still playing the winner, whoever that may be," Six announced.

"You're saying that like there is a chance I can lose," Seven said in disbelief.

Eight smiled as Six said, "Even the chessmaster can be mastered at some point."

"What the hell does that mean?" Seven asked. "And I thought I spoke in code," he muttered under his breath.

"It means I think you can lose," Six explained bluntly.

"No! I can't lose!" Seven exclaimed, panicking as he grabbed the lapels of the jacket of the nearest Doctor he could find, which happened to be Three.

"Three!" Seven yelled. "You think that I'll win at chess against Eight, right?"

Three shrugged. "It's 50/50."

"50/50 how?" Seven asked, afraid of what Three might say. "Either I win or Eight loses?"

"You either win or you don't," Two explained, who was right beside Three.

"But it's not that simple!" Seven shrieked. "I can't lose! It's impossible!"

Eight watched Seven's breakdown with secret glee. It looked like the Chessmaster shall fall from his throne tonight.

Well, he hoped so.

***888***888***888***

Suddenly the TARDIS shook. "We've landed!" Five called out.


	2. Back in Vegas

**Birthday in (Un)Paradise Pt. 2 or 'Back in Vegas'**

Suddenly the TARDIS shook. "We've landed!" Five called out.

Not bothering to check the scanner, all of the Doctors ran out of the TARDIS. As Five closed the door, the Doctors looked at their surroundings, which were decidedly not one of a paradise resort.

"We're back in Vegas!" Four cried out excitedly. "Now we can really get this party started!"

Nine shrugged. "It's better than going to a resort, that's for sure," he muttered.

Seven grinned. "Great! This is a perfect place to beat you at chess," he said to Eight and Eight gulped. Luckily Six came to his aid.

"Hey Seven! Can't wait to see you lose to Eight!" Six called out and Seven scowled.

"C'mon, you really don't think that I will lose, do you?"

"You will if I can help it!" Six replied as he dragged Eight away from Seven. "We're going to beat his ass alright?" he whispered to Eight.

"We?" Eight asked.

Six nodded. "Yes we, 'cause you're a terrible chess player. I'm going to train you so hard that you'll beat Seven once and for all!"

"Do you think that you're taking this a bit too seriously?" Eight asked.

"Hell no!" Six yelled. "This means war, dammit, and we're going to win!"

***888***888***

"This is terrible!" One cried out. "We're going back to the TARDIS and go to the resort place, hm?" He tried to open the TARDIS door. "It's locked," he stated.

"That's because my TARDIS automatically locks," Five explained.

"Then my boy, unlock it!" One commanded.

Five rummages in his pockets for a while before saying, "Well, it seems like I left my keys in the TARDIS."

"What?" One exclaimed. "We're stuck here? Noooo!"

Four, who overheard their conversation, grinned. "We're stuck here? Yesss!"

***888***888***

"We're really locked out of the TARDIS?" Nine asked.

"No, we can still get in with a sonic screwdriver," Five said. "I obviously don't have one, so can someone offer theirs?" When no one gave him a screwdriver Five sighed. "None of you brought one, did you?"

"It's not like we were expecting to put up cabinets at the resort!" Three said defensively.

Five sighed again. "Well, I guess we'll have to break into the TARDIS." After a few moments of the other Doctors shuffling their feet awkwardly Five added, "Okay, I'll break into the TARDIS. You guys just have fun."

All of the other Doctors cheered and soon ran off into the distance. Nine however, stayed put. "Nine, why are you still here?" Five asked as he looked for something to pick the lock with. So far all he had found was some lint, a paper clip and an actual screwdriver.

"I'm here to help," Nine responded.

Five smiled. "Great! You can help me by using this paperclip to open the TARDIS lock."

Nine looked at the lock and the paperclip in confusion. "Five I don't think a simple paper clip can be used to unlock a complicated lock like this one."

Five got down to his knees and started to try to lockpick the TARDIS lock. "We might as well, right? I mean, weirder things have happened around here."

Nine nodded. Weirder things have happened and he was beginning to think that it was about to get more weird as the night went on.

***888***888***

The rest of the Doctors piled into the nearest bar on the street. As they all settled into their bar stools Four open a cabinet filled with beer. "Drinks for everyone!" He called out as he handed out the beers.

"Sorry, none for me," Eleven said when Four got to him.

"Why?" Four asked.

"Ten and I made a bet that we'll stay sober for the whole night."

Four stared at him in disbelief. "Really? You and Ten usually drink more than the rest of us during these shindigs."

"We can both do it," Eleven in determination. "But I can do it better."

"So be it," Four said as he handed out the rest of the drinks. "I can't wait to see you crash and burn."

Eleven rolled his eyes. "I can do it, and I'll prove it!"

When Eight, Seven, and Six got their beers Six said, "Sorry chaps, but we have to leave now. We have a chess showdown to attend to."

"Good luck with that," Four said distractedly as he gave One his drink.

"No thank you, my boy," One refused as he gave the beer back to Four. "I don't want to drink tonight."

"Old man can't handle his liquor, can he?" Three teased.

"Old man?" One repeated incredulously. "I'm the youngest person here!"

"And you're the lightest drinker here!" Three declared.

"Take that back!" One yelled.

"Never!" Three vowed.

One got his cane and began to attack Three but Three blocked every move with his Venusian aikido.

"Wow, barely five minutes in and there's already a bar fight," Two said.

"Let's leave them to it, shall we?" Four said and he along with Eleven, Two and Ten left the scene.


	3. Chess vs Checkers

**Birthday in (Un)Paradise Pt. 3 or 'Chess v.s. Checkers'**

Further along the street Seven found an abandoned barrel and sat on a crate that was beside it. He gestured to the another crate that was across from him. "Ready for me to beat you at chess?" he asked Eight.

Eight looked panicked so Six intervened. "Can I have a minute with Eight here?"

Seven nodded and smirked. "Trying to delay the inevitable?"

Six rolled his eyes and dragged Eight into an alley nearby. "You're going to win this, okay?"

Eight frowned. "No I'm not. I'm not good at chess, you know that."

"That's why I'm here, to help," Six replied. "Now, I know you and Seven agreed that you'll bring the chess pieces. Give them to me."

"Why?" Eight asked as he gave Six his bag of chess pieces. Six put it in his pocket and took a similar bag of game pieces out and gave them to Eight.

Eight took a look inside the bag and gasped. "I can't bring these to Seven. It'll be cheating!"

"No one has won without cheating a little."

"Actually, lots of people have-," Eight began but Six pushed him out of the alley, cutting him off.

"Now go on! Seven's waiting!" Six called out. "You'll thank me later!" he added.

Six grinned. This chess game was about to get much more interesting.

***888***888***

"Ready to play?" Seven asked.

Eight nodded as Seven pulled out a chess board and put it on top of the barrel. Seven held a hand out to Eight. "The pieces?"

Eight hesitantly gave Seven the pieces. When Seven poured the contents out on the board, he scowled.

"Checkers pieces?" Seven exclaimed. "I don't know how to play checkers!"

"I know how to play checkers, why don't you?" Eight asked.

"Alright, I can play checkers, but I can't play well!" Seven confessed. "I'm bloody awful at it!"

"Oh, I didn't know," Eight said.

"He does!" Seven exclaimed, pointing at Six, who just walked out of the alley.

Six laughed and yelled, "Loser!"

"This isn't fair!" Seven whined.

"All's fair in love and chess!" Six called out.

"Shut up!" Seven yelled back and put his head in his hands. Now he was going to lose for sure.****

A/N: Hello readers! Sorry for the shortness of the chapter. Please review and tell me what you think will happen next! 


	4. Bribery Will Get You Nowhere

Birthday in (Un)Paradise Pt. 4 or 'Bribery Will Get You Nowhere'****

A/N: Hello readers! Please review, each one will be greatly appreciated!  
  
Four, Ten, Two and Eleven eventually found another bar a bit down the street. They all settled in; Ten and Two sat down at one side of the counter and Four and Eleven sat by the other.

"C'mon, have a beer," Four said, trying to break Eleven's resolve.

"No, I'm on a bet, remember?" Eleven responded.

Four rolled his eyes. "Who cares? You're weak when it comes to beer and you know it."

"But so's Ten!" Eleven retorted, and suddenly he had an idea. "Four, can you tempt ten with a beer for me?"

"What's in it for me?" Four asked disinterestedly.

Eleven rummaged in his pocket before producing a twenty pound bill. "Is this a deal breaker?" he said smugly.

"Hell yeah it is!" Four exclaimed, swiping the bill from Eleven's hands and stuffing it into his pocket.

Eleven grinned as Four walked over to Ten, beer in hand. Now he was certain that Ten would lose the bet.

***888***888***

Across the room a similar conversation was going on between Ten and Two. "You want me to go over to Eleven and convince him drink a beer for twenty pounds?" Two was saying.

"Yep," Ten said, smiling a bit smugly.

"If you want me to do all that you got to add an extra ten pounds on that twenty there."

"What?" Ten said, shocked.

"What? I have bills to pay," Two said.

"Greedy," Ten muttered as he handed Two ten pounds. Two took a beer and was halfway to where Eleven was sitting when he bumped into Four.

Four took one look at both of their beers and said, "Ten bribed you twenty pounds to tempt Eleven with beer too, right?"

"Actually, he gave me thirty," Two said, waving the money in Four's face. "I'm an excellent negotiator."

Four rolled his eyes. "This all sounds stupid. They're both are going to crack under the pressure anyway."

"We should leave them to it," Two suggested. "Then we can keep this money without doing anything!"

"You're really greedy, you know that?" Four asked.

"Four, now's not the time for compliments," Two said and Four rolled his eyes again. "We should get out of here."

And with that Two and Four left the bar, taking Ten's and Eleven's beers with them.

***888***888***

Ten and Eleven looked longingly at the bottles of beer that were lined up on the counter. Ten shifted uncomfortably in his stool before he said, "I'm ready to succumb to this if you are."

Eleven grinned. "I've been waiting all night to hear that!"

Together they grabbed multiple beers in each hand, trying to down every bottle at once.

Eleven ruined his bowtie and Ten ruined his suit, but for once they didn't care.


	5. Gambling on Indecision

Birthday in (Un)Paradise Pt. 5 or 'Gambling on Indecision'

**A/N: Hi Readers! Remember to review!**

"Umm...uhh..."

Eight rolled his eyes at Seven indecision on which piece to move. Throughout the game Seven was becoming more and more hesitant as it became more and more clear he was losing.

After watching Seven struggle for a few more minutes Eight pitied him enough that he took one of Seven's pieces and did the move himself while taking out one of his own pieces in the process. "There. I made the decision for you."

"Change it back!" Seven glared at Eight

"Why?" Eight asked while rearranging the checkerboard to what it looked like before his move. After all, he did Seven a favor. He looked like he would have had a stroke if he thought any harder.

"Because," Seven explained, as if it was obvious, "it might be a trick! You might do a move that will make me lose!"

"Why would I do that when you're losing just fine by yourself?" Eight asked.

Seven huffed. "No I'm not! I can win this game without your help, just watch me!"

"No you can't!" Eight retorted. "The move I made for you, that was the simplest capture in the book! Your piece was practically next to mine-all you had to do was to jump over me!"

Seven ignored him, instead refocusing on the checkerboard to do his move. His determined look shifted to one of uncertainty as he was at a loss of what to do next.

Eight rolled his eyes and sighed. This checker game won't be done by next month if they're going at this pace.

"Umm...uhh..."

Eight facepalmed.

***888***888***

Four and Two walked down the road, looking for somewhere else to go.

"Where is everybody?" Two asked curiously.

"Partying hard probably," Four said in envy.

"Or fighting and passing out on the floor," Two added.

"In other words, they're having more fun than we are," Four said glumly.

Suddenly Three barreled into them from behind.

"Hey! I thought you were fighting One," Four exclaimed.

"I was, but he fell asleep mid-punch," Three grinned. "What have you been up to?"

"We've been paid fifty pounds to do absolutely nothing," Two summarized.

"Really, can I see it?" Three asked.

As soon as Two pulled out his thirty pounds Three grabbed it from his hands. "What the hell?" Two exclaimed.

"This is payback for when you made me lose all of my money on a bet on you at our last party," Three said.

"You lost twenty pounds, not thirty!" Two pointed out.

"The extra ten is compensation," Three explained. "You embarrassed me Two. That was the first time I counted on you and you failed me. I think that's worth ten pounds, don't you?" he asked Four and Four nodded.

"But it's ten pounds!" Two protested. "That's half of the original amount!"

"You seriously failed me Two," Three complained. "You were so close, but you decided to lose at the last moment."

"I didn't decide to lose, Nine threw a pie at my face!" Two exclaimed. "Why doesn't anyone remember that?"

Three rolled his eyes. "Stop making excuses for yourself, you lost fair and square."

"No I didn't!" Two said. "Anyway, this all wouldn't matter if you didn't bet on me at all! I bet you're going to gamble my money and your 'compensation' on something else!"

"I don't gamble, well not always," Three protested lamely. "Anyway I won't do it again, not after what happened last time. I'm going to be completely responsible with my money- what's going on over there?" Three asked, seeing Eight and Seven.

"They're playing checkers. Seven's going to lose for sure," Six said as he joined the group.

"Great! I'll put my thirty pound bet on Eight," Three said excitedly.

"What? But you just said-" Two said incredulously before turning to Four. "Can you believe that guy?"

Four shook his head and smirked.


	6. It's Pull to Open, Not Saw

Birthday in (Un)Paradise Pt. 6 or 'It's_ Pull_ to Open, Not Saw'

Eight, bored because he'd been waiting for Seven to make a move, started to read a book. He looked up after turning a page to find Seven glaring at him. "What?" Eight asked.

"It's rude not to pay attention as I make my move," Seven stated.

"You've been just staring blankly at the board for the last twenty minutes!" Eight exclaimed.

"Checkers is_ hard!_" Seven whined, and Eight rolled his eyes.

"No it's not!" To prove his point, Eight made a move on the checkerboard, jumping eight of Seven's pieces along the way, and leaving one left. Eight grinned triumphantly at Seven, who gaped at him in disbelief. "Easy, see?"

"What the_ hell_ was that?" Seven questioned incredulously.

"I started here, then I captured you here, and jumped over you there..." Eight began to explain, pointing to all of spots he'd been when he came to it. Halfway through his explanation, he looked up to see how Seven was holding up and was faced with Seven's blank look.

Eight sighed. "Look Seven, I only need one more turn to beat you," he stated, "and I know for a fact you won't find a way to beat me in one turn. So here's a deal. You can forfeit and still have your dignity or I win and you can drown in your shame. What's it going to be?"

Seven was silent for a few minutes, complementing his decision before Eight had had enough. "C'mon Seven, just admit you don't know what the hell you're doing," Eight said, exasperated.

Seven glanced at the checkerboard one last time before he mumbled, "I don't know what the hell I'm doing."

"Finally!" Eight cried out, flipping over the board as he did so.

"You didn't make your move," Seven pointed out glumly, mourning his defeat.

"It's a draw, I didn't need to," Eight explained.

"Does that mean that no one has to know about my poor checker-playing skills?" Seven asked hopefully.

"Yes, but if I accidently confess it after I get too drunk it's not my fault," Eight said.

"Deal," Seven said, knowing that if he was too drunk he'll confess his bad checker-playing skills too.

They shook hands, and that was that.

***888***888***

Meanwhile, back at the TARDIS, Nine and Five were still trying to unlock the TARDIS door. So far they've used a battering ram and yelled "Open Sesame" and hoped the doors would magically open.

Now Five was weakly banging on the door as a last ditch attempt before throwing in the towel. Nine saw how depressed Five was and decided to cheer him up.

"I think we could use a beer," he said.

Five grinned slightly and nodded. "Could you get them for us? I have one more thing I'll like to try before I give up opening the TARDIS."

As Five went back to work, Nine strolled into the bar all the other Doctors first went into. He saw One snoring on the floor but thought nothing of it, it's a common occurrence for someone to be passed out on a night like this.

He grabbed two beers and walked out. He was met with a surprising sight: Five was busy trying to use a _chainsaw_ to saw the doors down. Nine ran to him.

"FIVE," Nine yelled as he took the chainsaw from his hands. "ARE YOU INSANE?"

"Probably," Five answered. Nine rolled his eyes.

"You can't open the TARDIS with a chainsaw!" Nine said. "It's been through more than that and was left without a scratch."

"I know, but I've tried everything!" Five exclaimed, grabbing the TARDIS door handle with one hand. "This door just won't open!" He threw his hands up to show his exasperation, and accidently pulled on the door handle. The TARDIS door opened and Five fell into the TARDIS.

"I guess you've never tried pulling," Nine teased.

"The idea never came to me!" Five protested.

"Even when there's a sign outside the door that says 'Pull to Open'?" Nine asked.

Five was silent for a moment before he scowled. "Shut up."

Nine smirked as he helped Five get up. "C'mon Five, let's find the other Doctors and tell them the good news."

**A/N: Sorry for the long wait! Please review, it'll make new chapters come quicker.**


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